Enter Dancing Sunbeam.

Abdallah:

You are going to collect beggars and cripples and worthless characters, and make night hideous with the riff-raff of the town. Therefore you are either mad or bad.

Sunbeam:

Both.

Abdallah:

I am empowered by my office to say that you are possessed of an evil spirit. And I will recite to you a rhyming recipe for the casting out of devils, written by the most eminent Poet-Priest in Persia — myself.

Hassan:

Don't trouble.

Abdallah:

It is a pleasure. Listen.

A man is mad — some spirit bad has probably possessed him;
And we proceed at once to bleed him — after we have blessed him;
When he's so weak he cannot speak — our efforts do not falter;
We tie his hands with leather bands, and hang him on a halter;
When he almost gives up the ghost, we cut him down and kick him.

Hassan:

What for?

Abdallah:

To drive out the evil spirits. (Continuing.)

And afterwards with knives and swords we lacerate and prick him;
And then, to make that spirit vile dislike its human domicile, and deem possession not worth while —
With towels wet we flick him!

Hassan:

Thank you!

Sunbeam:

And you intend to apply that prescription to him?

Abdallah:

At once. (To Dancing Sunbeam.) If you will provide me with a few strong cords, swords, whips, and perhaps a pitchfork, I will give him the first dose without delay.

Sunbeam:

With joy and alacrity.

Exit Dancing Sunbeam.

Hassan:

A good, kind creature! (To Abdallah.) Will you excuse me if I make my will? (Drawing parchment and pen from pocket.)

Abdallah:

It would not be worth the parchment you write it on. You are mad.

Hassan:

Ah! My will would only be valid providing I am perfectly sane?

Abdallah:

Yes.

Hassan:

The reason I ask is, that I intended making a will absolutely in your favour. Now, you see, if I am mad, such a will would mean nothing; but if it means anything, it means that you inherit my fortune, and that I am perfectly sane. As an expert, which would you say I am — mad or sane?

Abdallah:

My son, such a deed as you propose would prove conclusively that evil spirits have left you — and I would leave you in possession of as good spirits as my own.

Hassan:

Then that's settled. Go in peace.

Abdallah:

I will tarry a little until the will is written in case the evil spirits return to you.

Hassan:

Oh, very well. (Commencing to write.) You are not afraid of my making another will revoking this?

Abdallah:

No. For the laws of the Medes and the Persians is unalterable, and therefore as a Persian will is a Persian legal document, it cannot be altered.

Hassan:

I never thought of that.

Abdallah:

I did. (Hassan continues to write. Drums heard in the distance.) Hark! The royal drums! The Sultan has returned two days before he was expected.

Hassan:

Oh! I take no interest in court and society.

Abdallah:

Yet the Sultan takes an interest in you; for the other day I complained to him of you and your evil life.

Hassan:

Oh, did you? Now look here, it is understood between us that when I have signed this, my evil life, as you call it, is nothing to anybody; it is a thing of the past — wiped out, eh?

Abdallah:

Yes. When you have signed that, you can count your evil life as a thing of the past.

Hassan:

There! (Handing document.)

Blush:

Oh, if you please, Dancing Sunbeam says are these what you require for casting out the evil spirit, and she is borrowing a chopper and a garden roller from next door.

Hassan:

We don't require them now, thank you. (Enter Dancing Sunbeam.) I'm cured.

Sunbeam:

Cured? How was the cure effected?

Hassan:

By will power.

Exit Hassan:

Blush: (to Abdallah).

You must be in possession of a remarkable will.

Abdallah:

I am. (Pocketing will.)

Sunbeam:

Hearken, Abdallah! The cure is not complete. Let our husband have this treatment; even if he succumb to it. We understand each other?

Abdallah:

I think there is a chance of his perishing suddenly in a few hours.

Blush:

Oh, dear!

Sunbeam:

Tush, girl! If misfortune take him, we shall take his fortune. Our cloud would have a golden lining. I am like Bluebeard's little Fatima. Social position is the one door closed against me; but some day I mean to open it, cost what it may!

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Page created 31 January 1999