There's no one by - no prying eye -

Our solemn secret tae espy -

So let us plainly say -

Could we create the world anew, -

What we wad vera quickly do, -

If we but had our way!

Like Joshua, we would stop the sun -

The thing is vera simply done -

If we but had our way!

We'd pit an end ta heat an' licht -
An' bring aboot eternal nicht -

If we but had our way!

We'd supervise the plants and flowers -

Prescribe 'em early closin' hours -

If we but had our way!

We would forbid the rose to smell -

We'd re-instate the curfew bell -

If we but had our way!

No man, in influenza's throes,

Suld be allo'ed ta blaw his nose -

If we but had our way!

No cock should crow, no bird should sing, -

Naebody suld dae onything -

Without our license, sealed and signed: -

For we wad dominate monkind -

If we but had our way!

We were not, through some freak of earth,
Consulted at the planet's birth -

Though we'd a lot to say!

Had we been on creation's scene,
A great improvement there'd ha' been -

If we but had our way.

But somehow we were clean forgot,

That's why we'll make things piping hot -

And ye the piper pay.

We'll tax ye oop an' tax ye doon,

We'll tax the country, tax the toon, -

If we but had our way.

We'll tax ye hip, an' tax ye thigh, -

An' sen' the rate-book oop lift-high, -

And cry, hurray, hurray!

An' what becomes o' science, art,

The law, the temple, an' the mart,

We naether ken nor care!

We only know, as sure as shot -

Wha pays his scot an' bears his lot -

A lot will have to bear.

We only know, our lack of sense

Is inconceivably immense!

And now, we hope, ye plainly see

That ye are bigger fools than we -

If we but have our way!