MIDI File

Flourish. Enter Chorus of Girls, running.

Girls.

Come, and take your places all,

The show is just beginning;

Don’t you hear the trumpet’s call,

And the drummer’s dinning?

Come, and take your places all,

The show is just beginning;

Don’t you hear the trumpet’s call,

And the drummer’s dinning?

Frolic, fun, and flummery —

Magic, mirth, and mummery —

(That’s the showman’s summary)

Set us all a-grinning!

Come, and take your places all,

The show is just beginning;

Don’t you hear the trumpet’s call,

And the drummer’s dinning?

Frolic, fun, and flummery —

Magic, mirth, and mummery —

(That’s the showman’s summary)

Set us all a-grinning!

Frolic, fun, and flummery —

Magic, mirth, and mummery —

(That’s the showman’s summary)

Set us all a-grinning!

During this Alfredo has entered, followed by Teresa, who expresses heart-broken passion in gesture. Enter Ultrice and Elvino, who carries a theatrical cloak, sword, hat, and lady’s train.

Allow me, madam, if you’ve quite done with him.

Good morning, miss!

Oh, some day I’ll be one with him!

Exit Teresa.

Elvino (to Alfredo).

Allow me. ’Twill assist your Grace

If on your noble brow I place

This hat and feather. (Alfredo puts them on.) (to Ultrice).

The Duchess, p’r’aps, will kindly deign

To wear these jewels and this train —

They go together. (Ultrice puts them on.)

Alfredo and Ultrice walk pompously to seats that are placed for them in front of the Inn door, the Chorus curtseying with mock humility.

Girls.

Your Graces, as you wend,

We humbly bow and bend.

You look, we’re quite aware,

A most imposing pair!

Enter procession of Tamorras, disguised as Dominican monks; Arrostino as Prior. The Girls, believing the Monks to be genuine, all kneel.

Men.

Attamen ex cunctis supra reliquisque notandum —

Omne quod exit in um (hoec verba, I don’t understand ’em).

Esse genus neutrium — sic invariabile nomen —

Which is Greek to most of us here,

And perhaps Double-Dutch to the showmen.

And perhaps Double-Dutch to the showmen.

The Tamorras throw off their hoods and reveal themselves.

Girls.

Oh, you wicked,

Base — deceiving —

It’s distressing!

It’s degrading!

We are trickèd

Through believing,

Never guessing

Masquerading!

Friars mocking!

Goodness gracious!

What a wrong, sir!

Why, how dare you?

It is shocking!

It’s audacious!

Go along, sir!

I can’t bear you!

It is wicked — ha! ha! ha!

They are trickèd — ha! ha! ha!

This disguising

Is surprising,

Friars mocking,

It is shocking —

It is blameful —

It is shameful —

It is shameful —

Ha! ha! ha!

It is blameful —

It is shameful —

It is shameful —

Ha! ha! ha!

This disguising

Is surprising,

It is shameful — .

Ha! ha! ha!

This disguising

Is surprising,

It is shameful —

Ha! ha! ha!

Enter Minestra, disguised as a very old woman.

Minestra.

Come and listen, pretty ladies —

Cross my hand with maravedis —

For to prophesy my trade is,

And my prophesies are sound.

Fear no trick or double dealing

I am clever at revealing,

Neither good nor ill concealing.

So, my pretties, gather round.

The Girls gather round to have their fortunes told. Minestra throws off her hood and reveals herself.

Minestra.

Ha! ha! ha! ha!

Oh, you wicked,

Base — deceiving —

It’s distressing!

It’s degrading!

We are trickèd

Through believing,

Never guessing

Masquerading!

Ladies mocking!

Goodness gracious!

What a wrong, sir!

Why, how dare you?

It is shocking!

It’s audacious!

Go along, sir!

I can’t bear you!

It is wicked — ha! ha! ha!

They are trickèd — ha! ha! ha!

This disguising

Is surprising,

Ladies mocking,

It is shocking —

It is blameful —

It is shameful —

It is shameful —

Ha! ha! ha!

It is blameful —

It is shameful —

It is shameful —

Ha! ha! ha!

This disguising

Is surprising,

It is shameful —

Ha! ha! ha!

This disguising

Is surprising,

It is shameful —

Ha! ha! ha!

During the above Pietro has brought on Bartolo and Nita made up as wax-work figures of Hamlet and Ophelia.

Pietro.

Now, all you pretty villagers who haven’t paid, stand you aside,
And listen to a tragic tale of love, despair, and suicide.
The gentleman’s a noble prince — a marvel of ventriloquy —
Unhappily afflicted with a mania for soliloquy.
The lady is a victim of the God of Love tyrannical —
You see it in her gestures, which are morbidly mechanical;
He’s backed himself at heavy odds, in proof of his ability
That he’ll soliloquize her into utter imbecility.
She wildly begs him to desist — appeals to his humanity,
But all in vain — observe her eyes a-goggling with insanity.
He perseveres, improving the occasion opportunatic —
She sticks straws in her hair — he’s won his wager — she’s a lunatic!

During this, Bartolo and Nita have gone through the movements described in a ridiculously jerky and mechanical fashion.

Enter Teresa.

All.

Astonishing,

What science can contrive!

In everything

You'd think they were alive.

Her lovely face —

Her eloquent despair!

His princely grace,

His beautiful black hair!

Alfredo.

Appreciation of such skill

Should not be shown by stealth.

In bumpers round (I’ll pay the bill)

We’ll drink the showman’s health.

This wine-skin I devote to you,

We’ll drink it till it’s dry.

I’m sure that’s what the Duke would do,

Were he as pleased as I!

I’m sure that’s what the Duke would do,

Were he as pleased as I!

Beware!

That wine is mine,

You must not drink it.

Forbear!

I pay my way!

You may not think it!

Pietro.

Take care!

The wine is poisoned, on my word rely,

And he who drinks in agony will die!

Commencing with a gentle pain

Scarce worth a question,

It grows apace, till you complain

Of indigestion.

Then follows an internal fire

That scorns emulsions,

Until, ere nightfall, you expire

In fierce convulsions!

Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

An idle tale we think it!

Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

We saw you freely drink it!

During this Alfredo has filled a number of goblets with wine from the wine-skin, and handed them round to Arrostino and the Male Chorus.

Alfredo.

It can’t be worse than ’Vino’s wine accurst —

If we’re to die of it, be thou the first!

Draws sword and offers cup to Pietro. During this the two figures express galvanic agitation.

Pietro.

I can’t obey you!

Drink!

Come, why delay you?

Drink!

I beg — I pray you!

Drink!

Quick, or I’ll slay you!

Drink!

During this Elvino has poured the wine down Pietro’s throat. Pietro immediately begins to feel the effect of the wine, which he has described as poison, and which has become poison to him.

Alfredo.

Oh, ye who are weary of life,

Don’t trifle with pistol or knife —

This potion is far from amiss;

If you’ve ducats of gold in your purse,

Why, then, you may surely do worse

Than die of such poison as this!

Than die of such poison as this!

Why, then, you may surely do worse

Than die of such poison as this!

Alfredo, Arrostino, and Elvino.

Oh, ye who are weary of life,

Don’t trifle with pistol or knife —

This potion is far from amiss;

If you’ve ducats of gold in your purse,

Why, then, you may surely do worse

Than die of such poison as this!

Chorus.

Be warned if you care for your life,

And the girl who will soon be your wife.

I’m sure there is something amiss;

That wine may be doctored and worse!

It may harbor some horrible curse!

Don’t die of such poison as this!

If you’ve ducats of gold in your purse,

Why, then, you may surely do worse

If you’ve ducats of gold in your purse,

Why, then, you may surely do worse

Than die of such poison as this!

During this, Teresa has pretended to fall insensible at Alfredo’s feet. He supports her, and supposing that she has fainted, pours some wine down her throat. All the others (except Chorus of Girls) raise the cups to their lips, and drink as the Act Drop falls.