Precious Nonsense
September 2000 -- Issue 61
If our action's stiff and crude, do not laugh because it's rude.If our gestures promise larks, do not make unkind remarks.
The DIGITAL revolution is coming, and some of it is already here. In May, S/A Cole's little 286 computer crashed and burned - the hard disk, anyway - and so we're now working with a big ol' whiz-bang fast-and-furious computer with a screen one doesn't need reading glasses to see and a keyboard with all the keys in one place. I'm still getting used to a new computer (not to mention trying to replace lost files), and we're not online yet; but, as I said, the revolution is coming. And we're making progress getting through the accumulated material, too. (It's slow, but it's progress!)
So, we finally have this year's Big Quiz, a reprise of a popular article from many years ago, and the performance news we've been able to pull together. The Savoy-Aires are giving Mikado soon, Opera A La Carte is on an Illinois concert tour, and the Gilbert and Sullivan Opera Company is planning on giving Ivanhoe. So let's see how far we get.
(By the way - G&S Trivia for 1000 - what opera is this introductory quotation from?)
Oh, Members, How Say You, What is it You've Done?
This probably isn't the accustomed place to put sort of this notice, but member Herman Fried recently donated to the MGS a DVD copy of the 1939 film The Mikado. We could use it for a prize, but it seemed it could be used more appropriately as a donation to a public library that collects DVDs. So, not only are we grateful to Mr. Fried for his generosity, but we're hoping to make some public library and its users grateful, too. If your library could use such a donation, please let S/A Cole know so she can start getting the process started.
What Cheer! What Cheer! {Midwestern}
October 6-8 and 12-15, 2000, are going to be big days for the Savoy-Aires. They're going to be giving The Mikado at Chute Middle School (1400 Oakton St., Evanston, IL). Times for the performances evidently had not been set when the first issue of their new newsletter The Savoy-aire went to press, but they're usually about 7:30 pm on Fridays and Saturdays, and 2:00 pm on Sundays. For more information, do contact the Savoy-Aires at P.O. Box 126; Evanston, IL 60204. They would no doubt be pleased to hear from you!
We just heard from Opera A La Carte. First of all, they have a web site: www.gilbertandsullivan.com. And second, they're coming to Illinois in October on a concert tour. Director Richard Sheldon writes:
"A small group of us will be doing
a concert tour - The World of Gilbert and
Sullivan - next month:
7:30 pm (Lebanon,
IL) (Romeoville,
IL) (Lisle,
IL)" (The individual theaters will
evidently be setting prices: you might want to contact the college of your
choice for more information.) He adds that if any MGSsers come to any of these
performances, they should feel free to come backstage and say hello. I'd take
him up on it. If you'd like to get in touch with
Opera A La Carte in the old-fashioned, but oh-so-effective, ways, they are at
P.O. Box 39606; Los Angeles, CA 90039 / (626) 791-0844. As mentioned before, S/A Cole
likes news she doesn't have to retype. We just got this series of notices from
David Craven and the Gilbert and Sullivan Opera Company: Item One: Auditions
for Ivanhoe The Gilbert & Sullivan Opera
Company of Chicago announces auditions for principals and chorus for their
special fall concert production
of Sir Arthur Sullivan's Grand Opera, Ivanhoe. Stage direction by
Professor David Currie, musical direction by Martha Swisher. Ivanhoe
has a large cast, calling for eight bass-baritones, two tenors, two sopranos,
one mezzo-soprano, and a chorus of 24. All roles are open. Auditions will be
held from 2-5 p.m. on Saturday October 7th and Sunday, October 8th at 5650 South
Harper Avenue in Hyde Park. Audition appointments need not be scheduled in
advance. Singers are asked to prepare an appropriate piece from opera, operetta,
or classical repertoire. An accompanist will be provided. The performance date
is Saturday, November 18 at the United Church of Hyde Park, 53rd Street and
Blackstone Avenue. For further information, contact Gwyneth Aubrey, Executive
Producer at: ivanhoe_hydepark@yahoo.com Item Two:
Ivanhoe: the Performance Itself The Gilbert and Sullivan Opera
Company of Chicago will be presenting a concert version of Ivanhoe on Saturday,
November 18, 2000 at the United Church of Hyde Park, 53rd Street and Blackstone
Avenue. Ivanhoe is Sullivan's rarely performed Grand Opera. For further
information contact Gwyneth Aubrey, Executive Producer at
ivanhoe_hydepark@yahoo.com. Item Three:
Gilbert
and Sullivan Marathon Committee Organizational Meeting for Chicago Singout
2002 A tentative meeting to establish a
planning Committee for Chicago Singout 2002 is scheduled for the second week of
October. The purpose of this Committee will be to plan a "singout" to be held in
the Summer of 2002. At a Sing-out, which is held over a two day period, all of
the joint works of Gilbert and Sullivan are presented. A Singout was
successfully held in Toronto in August of this year, and in past years in
Rockville. Singouts bring together Gilbert and Sullivan aficionados from around
the world and, as Chicago is centrally located, it has been asked to host the
2002 event. If interested in joining the planning committee, send an email to
singout2002@hotmail.com or call (312) 368-8481 and leave a message. (Now, remember, this singout
isn't a "done deal" yet. But do get in touch with them if you're interested in
helping or contributing, those trying to bring this event about would no doubt
be delighted to hear from you.)
The
G&S Version of Star Wars A
Reprise Even legendary films
are remade: from The Shop Around the
Corner to In the Good Old
Summertime, to You Got Mail. Each
reappearance helps a new generation appreciate a timeless story. Well, the
Midwestern Gilbert and Sullivan Society has reached the point where reprises of
previous articles can be interesting to our membership. Back in 1990, this
article appeared in Issue 26 (March 1990) of Precious Nonsense.
It dawned on S/A Cole that, on the date she typed this introduction,
twenty-three years before, she saw Star Wars for the
first time. So, in recognition of that anniversary, of the recent revival of the
Star
Wars saga, of the regrettable death of Sir Alec Guinness, and because I
enjoy it, here is HMS Death
Star. And Many Thanks to
the Gilbert and Sullivan Archive at the University of Idaho for this
transcription. S/A Cole has copies of the work in her basement, but thanks to
their resources, she didn't have to retype it. Without doubt,
W.S. Gilbert was a writer before his time: he was writing stories about
extraterrestrials (The Wicked
World), alterations in the space/time continuum (Foggerty's
Fairy), cyborgs (The Mountebanks),
mind-transfer (The Man in
Black), and men trying to play gods (Thespis) long
before it became fashionable for science fiction writers to do it. Since there
is such a strong vein of what has become regarded as the domain of SF in
Gilbert's writing, and (more likely) since Pinafore and
The
Pirates of Penzance lend themselves so well to being parodied, it was only
a matter of time before somebody came up with the following. One of Sarah
Cole's friends, a longtime fan of the film Star Wars, sent
her what she thought was a parody of a G&S song from one of the science
fiction film fanzines she had run across. It turned out that one song was part
of a much longer G&S parody based on tunes from Pirates and
Pinafore:
H.M.S.
DeathStar, by Bev Grant, which
appeared in Syndizine #3, in
about 1983. After a year, we still have no more information about this magazine
than its title and the year of publication (if anyone knows anything more about
it, please let us know {After TEN years, we
still don't know any more about it than this, even after several extensive
Internet searches. Ed.}). In any event, Sarah Cole, who still enjoys
Star
Wars herself, thought the parody was a riot, and thought the rest of the
MGS membership would enjoy highlights from this work (As a matter of fact, she
enjoyed it so much, she was sorry the author limited herself to only two of the
G&S operas: there are so many other songs in the G&S operas that would
have lent themselves to Star Wars-ization. But be that as it may). Judging from the
photocopy in hand, the author got the idea from the recording of Joseph Papp's
production of Pirates. The work was set up like a libretto that would accompany
a record album, and includes illustrations {which we've left out
because of layout problems. And besides, one's imagination is often the best
illustrator! Ed.. So, courtesy of Margaret McNickle and the publishers of
Syndizine, and in honor of the thirteenth anniversary of the film's release (on
May 25), the MGS presents: Syndi-Papp
Presents H.M.S. DEATH
STAR: THE
SOUNDTRACK
October 18:
McKendree College, Pearsons
Hall
October 25: 7:30
pm
Lewis University, Philip
Lynch Theatre
October 26: 7:30
pm
Benedictine University,
Benedictine Hall Theatre
Music pirated from A. Sullivan
Lyrics adapted from the original librettos of H.M.S. Pinafore and Pirates of Penzance
Dedication: to Anna Russell, who once proposed (see Anna Russell Sings! Again?, Columbia Masterworks) a formula for writing your own Gilbert
and Sullivan operetta. . .as well as a description of the sort of person who could be expected to try. It's not my fault!
{The Cast, for the uninitiated:
Good Guys:
Princess Leia: Representative to the Imperial Senate from the planet Alderaan.
Luke Skywalker: A farm boy from the planet Tatooine who has greatness thrust upon him.
Han Solo: A handsome young smuggler.
Chewbacca: Han's wookie sidekick (he's big and shaggy and speaks guttural).
Ben (Obi-Wan) Kenobi: An old Jedi master.
R2-D2 and C-3PO: The cutest pair of robots (droids) you ever saw.
Bad Guys:
Darth Vader: An evil Jedi.
Governor Tarkin: Commander of the Death Star.
Stormtrooper Chorus: Soldiers of Empire.
Jawas: Little desert scavengers. Ed.}
SIDE 1
When I was a Lad
(Originally "When I Was a Lad" / Pinafore, Act 1, Part II)
Darth Vader: When I was a lad, I went to school
To a Jedi Master who I thought was cool.
His name was Kenobi, and they called him Ben;
And although you won't believe it, I knew even then
Stormtrooper Chorus: And although you won't believe it, he knew even then
Vader: That when Obi-Wan Kenobi finished teaching me,
I'd be the finest Jedi in the galaxy!
Chorus: That when Obi-Wan Kenobi finished teaching he,
He'd be the finest Jedi in the galaxy!
Vader: I studied very hard and developed skill
At levitating boulders and at saber drill.
I got so good I could balance, chum,
Upside down on the tip of my right or left thumb.
Chorus: Upside down on the tip of his right or left thumb.
Vader: Pretty soon it became quite clear to me
That I was the finest Jedi in the galaxy!
Chorus: Pretty soon it became quite clear to he
That he was the finest Jedi in the galaxy!
Vader: I went to the Master, said "Obi-wan,
The days when you could teach me things have come and gone;
I'm the finest Jedi alive, you see."
And would you believe it, Ben just laughed at me!
Chorus: And would you believe it, Ben just laughed at he!
Vader: Now I've killed all the others, none can disagree
Than I am the finest Jedi in the galaxy!
Chorus: Now he's killed all the others, none can disagree
Than he is the finest Jedi in the galaxy!
Vader: The end of the Jedi brought to me
A once in a lifetime opportunity,
For the Emperor had seen my work
And knew that I would not be one to shirk.
Chorus: And knew that he would not be one to shirk.
Vader: My duty, be it e'er so mean
To advance the position of Lord Palpatine*.
Chorus: His duty, be it e'er so mean,
To advance the position of Lord Palpatine.
Vader: And from that day, though you may curse,
My power has been feared throughout the universe.
I'm second to one man alone;
The one who sits upon the Empire's throne!
Chorus: The one who sits upon the Empire's throne!
Vader: Soon the Emperor will fall to me,
And then I'll be the ruler of the galaxy!
Chorus: Soon the Emperor will fall to he,
And then he'll be the ruler of the galaxy!
Vader: If you yearn to become as great as me,
Then you daren't be fettered by loyalty;
You must study very hard and go to school,
All the while being guided by this golden rule:
Chorus: All the while being guided by this golden rule:
Vader: There is nothing like a spot of treachery--
To advance, don't miss a single opportunity!
Chorus: There is nothing like a spot of treachery--
To advance, don't miss a single opportunity!
{*For those who, like S/A Cole, are familiar with Star Wars but had never heard of Lord Palpatine, the introduction to the novel says he was a
senator who got himself elected Emperor of the Galaxy, then let the galaxy go to the dogs. I haven't seen The Phantom Menace, but I understand
he shows up with that name in that film. Also, the philosophy expressed in that previous song are exclusively those of the character and not those of
this newsletter or organization Ed. }
Keep Close to Me
("His Nose Should Pant and His Lip Should Curl"/ Pinafore)
Jawa Leader: Keep close to me and don't make a sound;
Don't let it know anyone's around.
Just wait--yes wait--'til you see it fall,
And then we will descend upon it, one and all.
It Is an R-2 Droid
("He Is an Englishman"/Pinafore)
Jawa Leader: It is an R-2 droid,
A valuable possession,
And we've made it our profession
To resell used R-2 droids.
Jawa Chorus: To resell used R-2 droids.
Jawa Leader: And though it be in fine fettle
Or a useless piece of metal
With a warranty long void
Jawa Chorus: With a warranty long void
Jawa Leader: Still we'll sell it at a profit,
And we'll live quite comfy off it,
For it is an R-2 droid.
Jawa Chorus: Still we'll sell it. . .(etc.)
My Friends Call me Skywalker
("I'm Called Little Buttercup/ Pinafore)
Luke: My friends call me Skywalker, wormie* Luke Skywalker
Though I could never see why.
They tell me I'm green, even for Tatooine--
Just a dreamer with stars in my eye.
With Biggs, boon companion, I've flown Beggar's Canyon
And bullseyed a womp rat or two.
Now Biggs says, "Get out of here!" Uncle says, Wait a year!"
What's a poor farm boy to do?
If you seek to enter into some bright center
Of space, Tatooine isn't it.
Come Jawa, come Raider, I'm hopping a freighter;
When this harvest is over, I'll split!
The Academy calls, and adventure enthralls--
I may rescue some maid in distress!
With a ship of my own, I'll fight Emperor or clone.
The heroic Luke Skywalker? Yes!
{*While it doesn't come out in the film, in the novel Star Wars, Luke's nickname is "Wormie". And don't let that put you off: according to T.H.
White, King Arthur's childhood nickname was "Wart". Ed.}
["Pretty Traitor You Are" ("Pretty Daughter of Mine"/ Pinafore), about Vader's interrogation of Princess Leia, has been cut. Ed.]
When Darth Vader is Engaged
("When a Felon's Not Engaged"/Pirates)
Princess Leia: When Darth Vader is engaged in fiendish torture--
Vader: Fiendish torture
Leia: Or maturing his demented Sithish plans--
Vader: Sithish plans
Leia: There is one thing of which no one could be more sure--
Vader: Could be more sure
Leia: He is not a friend of Wookies' or of man's--
Vader: Or of man's
Leia: My worries I with difficulty smother--
Vader: 'Culty smother
Leia: As I wait for him to have his Sithish fun--
Vader: Sithish fun
Leia: Ah, take one consideration with another--
Vader: With another
Leia: A princess' lot is not a happy one.
Vader: As she waits for me to have my Sithish fun--
Sithish fun
A princess' lot is not a happy one.
Leia: As I sit imprisoned here aboard the Death Star--
Vader: 'Board the Death Star
Leia: With the Dark Lord Vader standing in my cell--
Vader: In her cell
Leia: And his torture robot hovering not too far--
Vader: 'Vring not too far
Leia: From where I wait its special brand of hell--
Vader: Brand of hell
Leia: My fears close 'round me 'till I almost smother--
Vader: Almost smother
Leia: Can my secrets still be secret when he's done--
Vader: When I'm done?
Leia: Ah, take one consideration with another--
Vader: With another
Leia: A princess' lot is not a happy one.
Vader: Can her secrets still be secret when I'm done--
A princess' lot is not a happy one.
{*Darth Vader is referred to as a Sith Lord. I don't remember it being mentioned in the film, but nevertheless, that's the reason for the reference
here. Ed.}
You Don't Need to See His I.D.
("Never Mind the Why and Wherefore"/ Pinafore)
Ben: You don't need to see his I.D.,
Though his speeder's most untidy,
And the droids you're searching for appear right under-
neath your eyes.
You are going to let us go much to your underlings'
surprise.
No stormtrooper with his blaster
In the entire galaxy
Can detain a Jedi Master
If he doesn't want to be!
These are not the droids you're after.
Stormtrooper: These are not the droids we're after.
Ben: Move along a little faster!
Stormtrooper: Move along a little faster!
Ben: You will count it a disaster
When it comes time to report
That you met a Jedi Master
Here in Mos Eisley space port!
For the Force now has you blinded;
That's because you are weak-minded,
Just the sort of a chap who volunteers to serve the
Emperor.
You will let us pass right by you and our safety thus
ensure.
(Repeat from "No stormtrooper with his blaster" through "Here in Mos Eisley space port!")
We Have Flown the Kessel Run
("We Sail the Ocean Blue"/Pinafore)
Han: We have flown the Kessel run,
Though my pirate ship's no beauty;
Still we have a lot of fun,
and we never pay our duty!
All the Empire's decrees
We evade with ease,
Be our cargo gems or spice.
My Millennium ship
Can handle the trip
If you think you can meet our price.
In cash! In cash!
["What Joy, What Profit I've Attained" ("Oh Joy, O Rapture Unforseen"/Pinafore), about Han Solo's nearly getting shot by Greedo the Hit-Being;
and "Though She May Not Look Like Much" ("Sir Joseph's Barge is Seen [the Sailors' portion]"/ Pinafore), have been cut. Ed.]
SIDE TWO {A nostalgic aside about how things have changed. Remember when recordings had two sides, and couldn't be used for mirrors?
Those were the days. Ed.}
I Am Commander of the Death Star
("I Am the Captain of the Pinafore"/Pinafore)
Tarkin: I am commander of the Death Star!
Stormtrooper Chorus: And a mighty fine commander, too!
Tarkin: You're very, very good,
And be it understood,
I command a right good crew.
Chorus: We're very, very good,
And be it understood,
He commands a right good crew.
Tarkin: Though I really do abhor
Her cause, the Senator
Will I treat most gallantly;
I have never used a whip
Or torture on this trip
And would never treat her cruelly!
Chorus: What, never?
Tarkin: No, never!
Chorus: What, never?
Tarkin: Hardly ever!
Chorus: Hardly ever treat her cruelly!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the kind commander of the great Death Star!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For commander of the great Death Star!
Tarkin: I do my best to serve the Empire--
Chorus: As a dedicated governor.
Tarkin: I'll destroy the rebel base;
Its location I will trace
With the aid of our prisoner.
Chorus: He'll destroy the rebel base;
Its location he will trace
With the aid of our prisoner.
Tarkin: Let the folk of Alderaan
Aid the rebels all they can
And call Palpatine corrupt;
Though the power I control
Could destroy their planet whole,
I would never, never blow it up!
Chorus: What, never?
Tarkin: No, never!
Chorus: What, never?
Tarkin: Hardly ever!
Chorus: He would hardly ever blow it up!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the merciful ruler of the great Death Star!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the ruler of the great Death Star!
["Although Your Chess Opponent There" ("I Am the Monarch of the Sea"/Pinafore), about Chewbacca's being a bad loser, and "Things are Seldom
What They Seem", about getting stuck in a tractor beam, have been cut, as have been the reprise of "They Call me Luke Skywalker", in which Han
talks about rescuing the Princess; and "You've Discovered an Aroma" ("Carefully on Tiptoe Stealing"/ Pinafore), about our heroes' adventures in a
Death Star garbage pit.]
I Am the Very Model of a Modern Diplomatic Droid
(What else?/ Pirates {I like this one best, if for no other reason than C-3PO is the only character who sounded like he ought to be in a G&S opera
to begin with (the actor who created the character sounds rather like Thomas Round). Ed. {Note for 2000: After 23 years, he still sounds like
Thomas Round, he still sounds like he ought to be in a G&S opera; and this song is currently the most noteworthy one in this collection. A number
of websites of "Star Wars" songs include this selection.)}
C-3PO: I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid
I'm fluent in the languages of robot, Wookie, humanoid;
A binary loadlifter does not pose the slightest mystery,
I know the rules of protocol and also human history;
I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem, I'm teeming with a lot o' news--
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
Chorus: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (etc.)
C-3PO: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
In short, my masters find in me a reason to be overjoyed;
I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.
Chorus: In short, his masters find in him a reason to be overjoyed;
He is the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.
C-3PO: I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid;
Adventure is the sort of thing I'd hoped that I could quite avoid,
For droids who find adventure often find that they get melted down,
Or shipped out to the Kessel mines and tiresome labor under-ground.
My counterpart excels at making trouble for the rest of us,
He lured me to the desert where the Jawas soon molested us;
They sold us to some farmers, and before the passing of a day,
I had to tell our master that the little twerp had run away.
Chorus: He had to tell their master that the little twerp had run away (etc.).
C-3PO: Now that we're on the Death Star, and stormtroopers swarm the premises,
I'm hiding in a closet with that little R-2 nemesis;
And so I want to make it clear ere R-2 gets us both destroyed,
I was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid!
Chorus: And so he wants to make it clear ere R-2 gets them both destroyed,
He was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid!
I Am Commander of the Death Star (Reprise)
Tarkin: I am commander of the Death Star,
Stormtrooper Chorus: And we're now in sight of Yavin's moon!
Tarkin: The famous rebel base
Will be gone without a trace
Ere the end of this afternoon.
Chorus: The famous rebel base
Will be gone without a trace
Ere the end of this afternoon.
Tarkin: Any dangers you perceive
From attacks we here receive,
Do not overestimate.
With our triumph now so near,
This in not the time for fear,
And I never will evacuate.
Chorus: What, never?
Tarkin: No, never!
Chorus: What, never?
Tarkin: No, never!
Chorus: No, he never will evacuate.
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
for the late commander of the doomed Death Star.
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For. . .
(Note from the record jacket: We regret that technical difficulties beyond our control made it impossible to record the end of this aria {sic! Ed.})
The Grand Finale
("Come, Friends, Who Plow the Sea"/ Pirates)
All the Good Guys: Hail, hail, the gang's all here:
Leia and the Wookie,
Solo and the rookie.
Hail, Hail, the gang's all here:
Get in line for Death Star II!
Hail, hail, the gang's all here.
Ain't the show been thrillin'?
Bet we make a million!
Hail, Hail, the gang's all here:
Get in line for Death Star . . .
(Spoken:) Two, four, six, eight,
Who do we appreciate?
(Note from the record jacket: The following music accompanies fifteen minutes of credits.)
The 2000
MGS Big Quiz It's quiz time
again, and we have another silly quiz this year. Though not quite as silly as
last year's. We've also bowed to popular demand, and have double-spaced the
questions to aid in writing in the answers. Well, it's progress. As always, the
rules of the big quiz are simple. The member who answers the most questions
correctly wins a prize. You can refer to any reference sources you like, but all
responses must be received by the Midwestern Gilbert and Sullivan Society by
December 1,
2000. But don't dawdle: that sounds like a lot of time, but it sneaks
up on you! The answers will be checked and winners will be notified. In case of
a tie, the response received first will take precedence, and decisions of the
quiz correctors are final. This year's big prize winner will receive something
nice--I don't know what he or she will win yet, but what we do find for a prize
will be certain to satisfy. Now, if you feel
intimidated, you need not. The Society's founding fathers, in their wisdom, knew
that many members would be novices in matters G&S-ical, so they saw to it
that the member who makes an honest effort to answer the questions correctly and
answers the fewest correctly will also win a nice prize. All are welcome to
participate, even if you won a prize in the last quiz. We'll look forward to
hearing from you (before December 1, don't forget). Any Questions?
BONUS QUESTION: What significant
similarity is there between the films Topsy-Turvy and The Girl Said
No?
Midwestern Gilbert and
Sullivan Society c/o Miss Sarah Cole
-- 613 W. State St. North Aurora, IL
60542-1538 (630)
859-2918 Work: (630) 896-8860,
x 108 (or give me a thrill
at midwestgs@yahoo.com Visit the Archive
at http://diamond.idbsu.edu/gas/newsletters/precious_nonsense/ Work Fax: (630)
896-4422